NICU

I already know this post will be a jumble of words and sentences and thoughts. Because even thinking back to the 10 days we watched our sweet Noelle spend in NICU is still a blur.

Maybe it was ignorant, but I really didn't think either of the twins would have NICU time. I made it to 37 weeks, and our perinatologist watched their growth weekly. They were both estimated to be around 5 pounds and were active and were on track for a healthy delivery via c-section.

When Noelle was born, she was a dusty rose color. A little bluish, and although she cried it was muted. They didn't bring her over to me when she was born, and thinking back, I get so upset. They lifted Keegan up and he was screaming and 2 minutes later when Noelle was born, they brought her straight over to the incubator and started working on her. I remember just laying there. Justin went over to be with the babies as soon as they were born, as I had instructed him to do no matter what! I wanted him with them. I was fine. I didn't feel one single pinch or pull during my c-section. I remember hearing the two doctors talking about their latest vacations as they stitched me up, and in the background I heard them say 'NICU' and I knew they meant Noelle. Eventually a nurse came over to me and said they were taking Noelle upstairs and Justin was going with her. They let me see her for just a moment. When they left, I laid on the table by myself and no one was talking to me. I sort of feel like crying just writing that sentence. I wasn't worried about Noelle, actually. I knew she was in the very best care. I just felt lonely for a minute. It probably was the drugs, too.

I was taken to the recovery room and reuinted with Keegan almost immediately. We were able to bond, nurse, and introduce him to our family. But for most of the time I was in recovery (almost 6 hours because of my bleeding), Justin was upstairs with Noelle and my family circled between visiting me and her. I still hadn't seen her.

After 6 pm I was discharged from recovery, and able to move upstairs to my post partum room, but they let me go to NICU first to see Noelle. They wheeled me there on my hospital bed, right into her room, right up to the sweet glass container. It wasn't covered, so I was able to touch her, but she was completely wired. And on CPAP, which is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. I don't remember if I cried at that first visit. There were so many tears over the next few days, I as in such a haze. She was breathing fast, and they believed she had fluid in her lungs. The nurses assured me she was really doing OK, and that they hoped to lower her CPAP by the next morning. I went back to my postpartum room and had to be a mommy to Keegan and love on him and show him off, while my sweet girl was not with us. My family was amazing - they all took turns between visiting me and Keegan in our room, or heading upstairs to see Noelle. I never felt like she was alone, which was a huge relief.

My c-section recovery went smoothly, although it was still major surgery. I had to wait until my catheter was taken out the next day to then be able to shower and visit Noelle again. I wanted to walk right away. Justin made me ride halfway there in the wheelchair. This time I cried. Noelle was not on a lower CPAP, but they actually had to turn the oxygen up and she was wired even more than the night before. Justin tried to prepare me before I got there, but you just can never be prepared for a feeling like that.

Truly meeting Noelle for the first time

Over the next 4 days in the hospital I spent my days nursing Keegan, pumping to bring milk to Noelle in NICU, spending time with family, and recovering from my surgery. I felt so, so proud everytime I would fill a tiny vile up to bring to Noelle. It was the only thing I could do for her, and it made me happy to be able to provide almost all of her nourishment while she was in NICU. Keegan was so, so tiny and we didn't want him to lose weight so while we were in the hospital I nursed him for 15 minutes, and then gave him either expressed milk or neosure to supplement him before he got too tired.

I remember just going and going. You don't even think about being tired. I wanted Noelle out of NICU so bad.

Then one morning we went upstairs and the doctor told us they heard a heart murmur and needed to run some additional tests. To me it was devastating news - and a set back I knew would add time to her stay. Luckily the heart murmur closed on its own within 24 hours, she was taken off CPAP and put on room air, but she was still being fed through a tube and get spitting up most of her meals.

Once she was in the clear medically (her lungs were OK and her heart murmur closed), the only thing that stood between us getting her home was for her to learn to take her feeds. She was moved from NICU to 'Special Care' nursery. I remember being SO excited. I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday evening, and Tuesday night she moved into her private suite at Special Care.

She spent 5 days in Special Care Nursery. They wouldn't let her leave until she finished 16 feedings in a row of 40 ml. We actually had to break her out of there and convince a doctor to let us bring her home before she finished all 16 feedings. Keegan was at home eating 30/35/25/40... always something different. We wanted our girl home with us and knew she was doing amazing.

Our NICU journey (5 days) was amazing. Our nurses were terrific, doctors were very informative, and the NICU at Texas Presby is phenomenal. Our Special Care journey (5 days) was exhausting, frustrating, and overwhelming. The nurses were.. Ok... and I never felt like anyone would give me any information other than 'she needs to eat better.'

We survived 10 days at the hospital, and brought Noelley Bell home to meet her brother. They were reunited for the first time 10 days after they were born, and locked arms immediately. I love the pictures we took of them that very first day home.